Individual vs. Society Revisions

For my Individual vs. Society essay, I will continue to revise my sentences to draw the reader back to my points. In each paragraph, I make broad generalizations of each idea which is a great lead in, but should also include one final sentence summing up the paragraph as a whole. Also, to keep my paragraph consistent with my thesis I will include comparison sentences in each paragraph that compare what I'm talking about back to Pride and Prejudice. Besides the structural side of the essay, I will continue to edit my sentence structure and avoid the passive voice. I will also re-do my opening sentence and add another sentence that will serve as a stronger thesis in my intro paragraph. I feel that once I add more sentences and explain my personal opinions more in depth, I will eventually create a much stronger essay than what I have now.

Individual vs. Society Body Paragraphs

             In Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth Bennet and her four sisters are pushed into the 1800’s social world of suitable marriages. These marriages revolved around very little, urging women to marry for social standings or economical status and not for true love. As the four Bennet sisters search for a worthy husband, their characters are put to the test as they choose between what they want and what society wants them to become. By conforming, they give in to this corrupt society, similar to the actions of their own mother, Mrs. Bennet, who influences her daughters with materialistic morals and ideals; “A single man of large fortune; four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our girls!” (Austen 1). Mrs. Bennet herself has become a model of society’s gossip and shallow principles, encouraging her family to marry “well.” When discussing her daughters’ futures, she focuses on money and how “fine” it will be for her children, and not how it affects their emotions. Unlike Mrs. Bennet, her daughter Elizabeth chooses to create her own path, denying the ideals of her own mother. As her sister Jane and even best friend Charlotte choose a path separate from hers, Elizabeth represents the “individual.” When asked by Mr. Collins to be married, she declines his offer, despite his economical status; “ I am perfectly serious in my refusal- You could not make me happy, and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who could make you so” (Austen 74). Elizabeth’s stays true to her character, she chooses to focus on herself and her desires rather than marry the selfish Mr. Collins solely for his happiness and benefits. This decision is one that will change her life- unlike our world today- she must now face the consequences of possibly never being asked to marry again and living alone, a risk she is willing to take for happiness and individuality.

            The story of Elizabeth Bennet is one that has been prominent since the 1800’s to present day. Even though we are not constantly being courted by men to marry into their social class, people today are faced with decisions that define who they are and who they will become. Although our consequences for not converting to one’s beliefs or ideals are not as severe as the Bennet’s, the pressure to be a part of the “in” group is equally as damaging. Teens are pressured into drugs, social groups, changing their clothes and even their beliefs to fit into a group. If they don’t, they are bullied and cast aside as an outsider, giving people more of an incentive to change themselves most likely for the worst. The media has been a relative influence of this idea, as movies and books have been created based on teens that struggle with this problem. In the movie “Odd Girl Out,” the lead character becomes a victim of her closest friends, bullied because of her looks and character. Because of this pressure to succeed in her social setting, the character goes crazy and looses herself to drugs and an obsession with her appearance all because she had become an outsider and lost her individuality. In a more modern movie, “Mean Girls” satirically portrays the secret life of girls and the story of one who changes her whole life to become one of the most popular girls in school. Her first year in school after being home-schooled in Africa her whole life, the lead finds herself caught up in the idea of high school and the glory of being popular and gorgeous. As she becomes a part of society, she looses not only individuality that made her special, but also her friends and dignity. The present world has used the media as a mirror of this competition between individuals and society and serves as our modern “Pride and Prejudice.” As the movies and books attempt to influence people to be themselves, the presence of this pressure is everlasting. 

Ranking Essays

A for Alfi
Thesis: Answers the prompt, but still incredibly vague
Structure: Is there really ANY structure? Completely loses focus between topics and loses its flow. Distracts the reader and didn't draw me in.
Evidence: Not strong, seems to just be put in with no connected to what he is trying to prove. Where's the analysis?
Analysis: Because quotes were so obscure, the analysis was weak and irrelevant
Sources: Needs to analyze the book more, find quotes that really prove your point and allow you to drive it home
Style: Incredibly informal, need to see more of a college written essay!

B for Beatrice
Thesis: I feel like the thesis is just kind of stuck into the paragraph. Needs more information to let the thesis flow better and give the reader a sense of exactly what you are talking about
Structure: Better structure than A, but still a little disorganized. I wish the writer found similar aspects of the authors and used those aspects as paragraphs instead of the typical Author A, Author B, Compare and Contrast format of an essay
Evidence: Good quotes, relate to the topic
Analysis: A little weak... with mildly strong quotes you definitely need to analyze them heavier to get your point across
Sources: Cited correctly and used quotes from both authors
Style: I feel that the writer used too many big words and it distracted me from the direction the sentence was going. Although the formality was nice, maybe tone it down a bit.

C for Cecelia
Thesis: Very strong thesis, worded greatly with a nice lead in to set it up
Structure: Good links between each point. Nothing came up out of the blue, everything flowed nicely
Evidence: Great quotes, relayed directly to her point
Analysis: Showed exactly how the evidence applied to her point. In depth and well thought out
Sources: Cited correctly
Style: Flowed. It was easy for me to read and not overly sophisticated

The Individual vs. Society

 Societies are complex groupings of people consisting of different races, interests, and beliefs that bring us all together.  In any form of society, people are constantly faced with the pressure to “fit in” or conform themselves to what other people want them to. Whether it’s dressing a certain way to look cool for your friends or marrying a man because of his money and status, the sense of one’s individuality is questioned and challenged in social situations. This competition between individuality and one’s role in society is nothing new, dating back to strict societies of the 1700’s and even our world today. In Pride and Prejudice, each character is faced with decisions that define them as people; women are forced to marry to ensure their prestigious and well-off futures, ignoring their true emotions and desires. Because of these decisions, they give in to societal pressures, thus loosing their individuality.  Although our present is incomparable to the times of Pride and Prejudice, there are still situations where people are faced with the same problem. As kids, even myself, grow up into adults and head off to college and the world, we will chose to change ourselves to fit into a certain crowd while others remain true to themselves. Therefore, although the times and customs of people have changed through the hundreds of years, the problem of losing oneself to society and its pressures to be “a part of the whole” have remained present and left the world with a society consisting of individuals and social conformists.  

To His Coy Mistress

"But at my back I always here time's winged chariot hurrying near." In Andrew Marvell's poem "To His Coy Mistress," Marvell's attempts to woo his lover into being with him before time runs out. Similar to Mr. Collins' proposal in Pride and Prejudice, Marvell lists reasons why the two should be together; negleting the idea of love iteself. Not only does he mock her virginity, but he also mocks her looks as he says that they will soon fade. In Stanza 1, Mavell uses the conditional to show his lover all the possibilities of their relationship and how vast his "love" for her truly is. Once declaring his love, Marvel uses the idea of Carpe Diem to persuade his lover to stay away from the "winged chariot" and choose to be with him in the "marble vault" forever. By starting his poem with all of the endless possibilities and stressing their youth, Marvel's ending highlighting the essence of time contributes greatly towards to his argument to his lover.

Extra Read

For the book that I will read outside of school I have chosen The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Set in the South, the Help tells the story of 3 African Americna women who's lives intertwine by a white familys' obsession with gossip, power, and money. This book has been on my book shelf for the past year and now that the movie has come out I have to read it!